Recently the domain of the Interwebs has once again been thrown into uproarious outrage.
This time, for good reason.
Shrek.
Shrock.
Shronk.
Onion Ogre.
These names all exemplify a Glorious Concept, connected to an Iconic Film series.
Possessing 4 Entries in the series, people were ecstatic when the 5th entry was announced after the release of another Dreamworks Film, ‘Puss In Boots: The Last Wish” in 2022.
After waiting 3 years for Major news, Fans transitioned from simply tense excitement to positively frothing at the mouth like a pack of starving hounds near a butcher’s shop.
Then it happened.
A Cast announcement trailer was released.
WHAT
THE
ACTUAL
FLIPP-A-DING
‘I- Why? Why fix what isn’t broken’ – Mitch from The Internet.
‘That’s Just weird. What the *SWEAR*.’ – Lilly from Kelmscott IGA
‘I haven’t watch it yet’ – Random Child
‘I’ve seen AI Generated YouTube Poops that looked better produced.’ – Elroy of Tasmania
‘What did they do to him? What have they done to my Boy? Look how they’ve massacred my Boy!’ – Xx_LadyPingo2003_xX
‘*Unintelligible Gibberish Nonsense*’ – Henri, a Frenchman.
‘He looks… Worse.’ – Jack
‘They have no Bloody Personality! They used to have personality! Now they just look Gormless!’ – My Mother
As one may be able to tell, from the quotes above;
The reactions are…. Not Goodest. That is the saying of least.
Jests, Jibes and Jokes aside, the visceral reaction that this release has wrought is palpable.
But, Why?
Specifically, Why do they look so bad?
It’s the eyes.
The updated models have done several things.
The eyes have been moved closer together and made more Cartoony, Rounded & Uniform whereas previously they were very Human in appearance. They were unique for the characters’ models.
They have squished Shrek’s head, making it appear less broad and making him more bald than ever. He is no longer rocking the hairless hairdo, but the Egg Head Supreme™.
Fiona’s teeth have had gaps placed between them, making her look… Not Great™.
Donkey has had his upper lip and nose moved forward and made more pronounced. He has also lost his eyelids.
The Daughter, exists.
One good thing to note however, is that the characters have clearly aged. Though, not in a very elegant or appealing manner.
Whether Shrek 5 will receive the Sonic The Hedgehog Movie treatment is unknown at this time.
We can only Cope & Seeth, until changes are made. They probably won’t.
I do hope they change the models though. They do have an entire year to alter things.
And we’ve been waiting 15 Years for a 5th entry, we can wait another 2.
Some people probably can’t but ignore them. They sent death threats to Hello Games & CD Projekt Red when their Games were delayed and were then surprised when they released and weren’t exactly ‘polished’.
Then they sent more Death Threats.
So Ignore them.